PRINTABLE VERSES AND HEADSTONE EPITAPTS:
1# FUNNY EPITAPHS FROM ACTUAL TOMBSTONES:
On the grave of Ezekial Aikle in East Dalhousie Cemetery, Nova Scotia:
Here lies
Ezekial Aikle
Age 102
The Good
Die Young.
In a London, England cemetery:
Ann Mann
Here lies Ann Mann,
Who lived an old maid
But died an old Mann.
Dec. 8, 1767
In a Ribbesford, England, cemetery:
Anna Wallace
The children of Israel wanted bread
And the Lord sent them manna,
Old clerk Wallace wanted a wife,
And the Devil sent him Anna.
Memory of an accident in a Uniontown, Pennsylvania cemetery:
Here lies the body
of Jonathan Blake
Stepped on the gas
Instead of the brake.
In a Silver City, Nevada, cemetery:
Here lays Butch,
We planted him raw.
He was quick on the trigger,
But slow on the draw.
A widow wrote this epitaph in a Vermont cemetery:
Sacred to the memory of
my husband John Barnes
who died January 3, 1803
His comely young widow, aged 23, has
many qualifications of a good wife, and
yearns to be comforted.
A lawyer's epitaph in England:
Sir John Strange
Here lies an honest lawyer,
And that is Strange.
Someone determined to be anonymous in Stowe, Vermont:
I was somebody.
Who, is no business
Of yours.
Lester Moore was a Wells, Fargo Co. station agent for Naco, Arizona in the cowboy days of the 1880's. He's buried in the Boot Hill Cemetery in Tombstone, Arizona:
Here lies Lester Moore
Four slugs from a .44
No Les No Moore.
John Penny's epitaph in the Wimborne, England, cemetery:
Reader if cash thou art
In want of any
Dig 4 feet deep
And thou wilt find a Penny.
Anna Hopewell's grave in Enosburg Falls, Vermont has an epitaph that sounds like something from a Three Stooges movie:
Here lies the body of our Anna
Done to death by a banana
It wasn't the fruit that laid her low
But the skin of the thing that made her go.
On a grave from the 1880's in Nantucket, Massachusetts:
Under the sod and under the trees
Lies the body of Jonathan Pease.
He is not here, there's only the pod:
Pease shelled out and went to God.
The grave of Ellen Shannon in Girard, Pennsylvania is almost a consumer tip:
Who was fatally burned
March 21, 1870
by the explosion of a lamp
filled with "R.E. Danforth's
Non-Explosive Burning Fluid"
Oops! Harry Edsel Smith of Albany, New York:
Born 1903--Died 1942
Looked up the elevator shaft to see if
the car was on the way down. It was.
In a Thurmont, Maryland, cemetery:
Here lies an Atheist
All dressed up
And no place to go.
For a Scot:
Here lies Martin Elginbrod,
Hae mercy on my soul Lord God,
as I would do were I Lord God,
and ye were Martin Elginbrod!
or:
Here lies my wife.
Tears cannot bring
her back.
Therefore I cry!
More Funny Headstone Epitaphs Halloween Entertainment for your Halloween arts, crafts and party decorations projects; could be real tombstone epitaphs but most made up or at least modified:
Margaret Bent:
Here lies the body
Of Margaret Bent
She kicked up her heels
And away she went.
Dentist Dr. Brown:
Stranger tread
This ground with gravity.
Dentist Brown
Is filling his last cavity.
Funny Poem from some man about his wife:
Here lies my wife
Here let her lie
Now she has peace
And so do I
A not so funny sad lost soul:
Here lies an atheist,
Sad but So…
All dressed up and,
No place to go.
The Daring Mr, Smoot...
Here Lies the Body of Kermit Smoot.
He Almost Learned to Parachute
That old infamous count:
Count Dracula Born 1732, died 1756, 1835, 1877, 2008…
Fred is Dead, funny:
Here Lies the Body of Good old Fred...
A Great Big Rock Fell on His Head.
The Verizon Guy:
Can you hear me now?
One of my favorite funny toumbstone epitaphs:
If you lived here,
you'd be home now.
Very strange but funny tombstone epitaph poem:
Roses are Red,
Violets are Blue,
Because I am dead,
Our love is taboo...
or a real one...
Here lays Butch,
We planted him raw.
He was quick on the trigger,
But slow on the draw.
From a real gravestone tombstone in Silver City, Nevada, cemetery
or another funny old western epitaph...
Here lies a man named Zeke.
Second fastest draw
in Cripple Creek.
humorous made up for just Halloween ones:
Barry D. Live
born eighteen hundred n'ninety five
Laid here n'died???
Below Here Lies
Ben Dismembered.
May he rest in pieces.
Here Lies Mr. Jones.
Now he's just a bag of bones.
Here lies the body of
EDWARD HYDE
We laid him here
because he died
As You Are Now So Once Was I,
As I Am Now You Soon Will Be,
Prepare For Death And Follow Me.
Dare to Disturb
Here Lies Slim (use a tall, thin headstone)
Here Lies Tiny (very small headstone)
Hey! Get off me!
I'll Be Back